What I Would Tell Myself About Triton’s Diagnosis?
That is easy.....
You will know more love than you thought possible!
More happiness than you ever imagined!
Most of all more faith than you ever opened your heart to before!
I cried so hard when the doctor first mentioned that he thought Triton might have Down Syndrome. I worried immediately about the unknown. If I had known then exactly how I feel now I never would have shed one tear.
Dear Shannon,
Right now you are full of worry and fear. A thousand thoughts race through your head as you wonder what this means for your beautiful little boy. You are scared that you may lose him, and that thought is unimaginable. You will spend the next weeks learning all you can about all of the health issues that may affect your angel. You will take a crash course on Congenital Heart Defects and Trisomy 21, and you will not feel any better once you have learned all you can. I know you have prepared yourself for the worst, but here is a little secret…… he is a pure miracle.
He arrives early and small, only to steal the heart of everyone who lays their eyes on him. You felt the first wave of it the minute you saw his face. That pure calm and happiness that comes when you look into his eyes. He was so tiny, but so strong at the same time. All of the worst fears were for nothing. He never even had to use the oxygen in the NICU like so many of the other 35 weekers. He came into this world defying the odds that had been set before him. He was a 4 lb 2 oz warrior.
The first month is the hardest. Each and every day in the NICU is filled with worry and tears. A waiting game of anxiety that pushes you to the brink of sanity. Even through the days on end of waiting and hoping that he will finally be able to eat he remains so sweet. Every minute that he is in your arms he will bring you such love. He can wipe all the fear away with one look from his tiny eyes. Watching him go through every poke of a needle and every feed through a tube and seeing him never get upset through it all will amaze you. There is so much strength and determination in him that you will want to be more like him. I want to love like him, be happy like him, and work so hard every day just like him.
You may not realize just yet,, but you have just received the most amazing gift you could have ever asked for. All the worry you have right now will soon be replaced by a love unlike any you have known before. A love so pure you will cry from the happiness of it. A soul that when he looks at you will melt your heart instantly.
A little boy who will work twice as hard as any other babe his age just to do the little things. Milestones may not come as easy from now on, but you will appreciate them that much more when they do. You will go without sleep and you will become a nurse, therapist, and mom all in one. Each and every one of these will make you love your precious angel that much more. The path that has been chosen for you was not done in vain, it is full of wonder and light that shines brighter than you knew possible. You will learn that the world would be a far better place to have more like him. You will be amazed daily by how sweet and strong your fragile little wonder can be.
I know that right now, at that 20 week scan, you can’t get past the sadness just yet. I know that over the next weeks with your OCD in overdrive you will make yourself more worried. I know that you are so very scared that his little heart will be so weak. I know that you are scared that he will struggle with so very much. Listen to me when I tell you that you are Wrong! You are so wrong that later you will laugh at your fears. Triton has a strength that you have never seen before. He will spend the first 6 months plowing through each and every obstacle that is put before him.
You are going to wake every day and ask how did you get so lucky. You will lose count of the smiles and laughter that he gives you each day. Every person that is around him is amazed that he is such a good baby. He sleeps through the night and plays so well all through the day. He never throws a fit like most infants. He is so happy and content all day long.
I know that now it seems like you may never be able to relax again. I promise that not only will you relax, but you will be happier that you ever thought possible. The little smiling face that you see each morning will bring more joy to you and your family than ever before. You will find a day when all of those worries seems a million miles away. You will look back and it will seem like a different life between the diagnosis and the boy. He is not his diagnosis. He is the best gift that I could have ever been given, and I am so thankful every day to have him with me. I don’t ever want to know a world without his sweet smile.
Love and Understanding,,
You after meeting our Miracle!!